Uncertainty, change, and the grief that follows.

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Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in, a familiar pattern of behavior.

How has your life and familiar patterns changed over the past months? Pandemic, Social Movements, and Weather patterns that have affected us all. All of this causes so much uncertainty about how our lives are, and could continue to change. When do things go back to normal? Or better yet, will they ever?

The thought of that is pretty scary right?

Not only are we adapting to changes in our community, but you may be facing the decision to have your young one(s) by your side learning how to adapt to school from home. This changes the pattern or possibility of getting back to your daily routine.  For some, that uncertainty about work schedules and who is going to be responsible for learning how to school their child(ren) from home, or if there is a split school schedule, home for a few days and then in school for a few days, creates an unknown factor. How do you coordinate all of those pieces?  The list goes on and on leaving some feeling like there is no end in sight. All of this fits the definition of Grief, as I mentioned in the very opening line.

So now that we know what Grief is, how can someone tell if they’re grieving? Here are a few questions to ask yourself.

  •             Are you having a hard time concentrating?
  •             Is it tough to fall or stay asleep?
  •             Are you eating more often or eating way less?
  •             Are you eating more sugar, dessert or snack foods?
  •             Do you lack energy?
  •             Are your emotions all over the place?
  •             Is it hard to stay in the moment?
  •             Do you go in one room to get something then forget why you went there?
  •             Do you feel isolated and are having a hard time adjusting?
  •             Are you arguing with your spouse?
  •             Are you trying to avoid your feelings by using Short Term Energy Relieving Behaviors like drinking, binge watching TV or scrolling on social media for hours?

If you don’t know how to deal with your feelings, there is nothing wrong with you. You, just like myself and many others before you, were never taught how! No one sits you down when you’re ten years old to explain how to deal with the normal emotional pain you’ll experience in life. In fact, sometimes as a child your feelings get discounted. All we know is what we see other people in our society do, and much of what they do won’t help you recover from grief.

Now it is time to shine some light, the good news is there is hope. Grief, much like the majority of things in our life can be handled and dealt with. There is a solution, there is a way and hope. You and I will work closely together on an evidence based program that has proven to be effective. Join me and the countless before you on beginning a path to a new restored hope.

You can call me, email me, direct message me, or fill out a form on my website. Anyway that you feel most comfortable doing, I will respond back to you. I am waiting to hear from you.

Why is grief so hard?

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Why Grief Is So Hard

Most of us have no idea the overpowering feelings of grief until you experience it on a personal level. Many people have witnessed family and friends who were grieving and saw how upset they were and often wondered why after so long they were still grieving.  That’s because they had no concept of the emotional pain these people were experiencing.

Grief is a very individual and personal emotion. Much of this pain is a factor of the things we might have wished had been different, better, or more in that relationship. It is also impacted by the dreams and expectations of a future that is now going to be very different than we had expected.

Here are some reasons Why Grief Is So Challenging

Misinformation

We were never taught how to deal with the emotional pain of loss.  Most of us have spent a lifetime learning how to get things.  When it comes to dealing with loss, more often than not, the information that has been passed on to us is actually “misinformation.”

The misinformation does nothing to deal with that emotional pain. It is advice that speaks to our logic and intellect, but grief is emotional, rather than intellectual.  The things we learn at an early age are designed to make us “socially appropriate” and easier for others to accept.

Most of what we are taught we hear from our parents when we are dealing with emotionally painful events. These things that we hear become part of our belief system because they are so often repeated. They include such things as:

  • Don’t Feel Bad (Hearing this rarely makes you feel better!)
  • Replace The Loss (Often, with the loss of a pet or toy, this is the “solution” for dealing with our tears.)
  • Grieve Alone (“If you are going to cry, go to your room.”)
  • Grief Just takes Time (”The comment often made when we ask how long this will hurt. In truth, time just goes by and you become accustomed to feeling this emotional pain.)
  • Be Strong (Big boys and girls don’t cry! We are often told we need to be strong for others.)
  • Keep Busy (If you are busy, you won’t have time to feel sorry for yourself!)

None of these are helpful in helping us deal with the emotional pain that is grief.

Our friends and family tend to provide less support than we expect.

Unfortunately, most of them have had little or no education in how to deal with their own loss. That being the case, it is difficult for them to offer any more assistance than suggesting things similar to the misinformation above!

We can each grieve certain memories in an entirely different way. That is why things that may be grief issues for one family member may not seem meaningful on any level to another. Every relationship is different, even within the same family, which means that everyone’s grief is also different.

There is also a tendency from friends and family to avoid mentioning the name of someone who has died, because they feel that to do so will only upset you. Their avoidance can seem to you like they have forgotten your loss, which can hurt as well. With no one really having the proper tools to deal with the emotional pain of grief, it can feel like you are the only one in true pain.

Grief is cumulative!

When we experience a new loss, this tends to stir up all of the other grief issues that are still lingering from past losses. If you have not taken action to effectively move through and beyond previous grief experiences, they will stay with you no matter how hard you try to suppress those feelings. As a result, you end up not just dealing with the current loss, but past ones as well.

Grief is the normal and natural reaction to any change you experience in life. You don’t need to be “fixed” to feel better. You simply need direction and education on how to “recover.” Fortunately, this is an area in which I can help you learn the proper tools to assist you in the recovery from the emotional pain of grief and loss. I do hope you take the time to reach out to me, I’m ready to begin this journey with you.

Do you have the correct equipment and coaching for grief?

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These days it seems as if grief is a hockey puck and we are the goalie. Do you have the right tools and equipment to stop the shots that are coming your way? Consider me a goalie coach that also once played the game and faced shots myself. I can help you, guide you, and direct you to ensure that you have the right equipment and knowledge to not only make that big save, but to “win the game” which ultimately is rediscovering yourself! For more, reach out today www.JenniferGriefRecovery.com – I would be glad to schedule a FREE 20 minute session.

Definition of Grief

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The Oxford Dictionary defines grief as: deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.

This is a very broad, yet a pinpoint description. The face of Grief is not a type. Grief does not discriminate nor does grief have an expiration date. Grief is not one size fits all, nor is it defined by particular cause.  Grief can come at any moment, and can be very ugly. With over 43 losses or ways that are considered to cause grief, no one is immune to its potential destruction.

This is where I can help. I am someone who has lived through the tremendous lows and shallow depths that my own grief took me to. Working with me you will learn a new set of tools to help you cope with, and process, grief so you can live your life with purpose and joy again.

Start your Recovery Now!  I am available for in person, phone, or video consultations. https://jennifergriefrecovery.com/contact/