How to Help Someone Who’s Grieving this Holiday

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The Holiday season can be a festive time for many but there’s another group of people who don’t feel joy. Those people are grievers.

Often the normal holiday traditions remind people of what they wish was different, such as better or more in their relationships that changed or ended.  It could be the first Christmas after the loss of a significant person. The first Christmas after a divorce.  A Christmas without being able to be with family due to illness or distance or maybe they lost their job and can’t afford to celebrate the way they used to.

On the days leading up to the holidays there is stimulus everywhere. Christmas cards, decorating and baking, buying presents, wrapping presents, parties, and socializing.    These stimuli are the sights, smells, and sounds that trigger certain memories and ideas. Since Christmas and New Year celebrations are usually shared overtime with loved ones, that means that there are a lot of things that can bring up thoughts and feelings.

Stimulus creates thoughts. Thoughts create feelings. Feelings can be either positive, negative, or both!

If you know someone that is having a hard time right nowhere are some things you can do and say to offer support and help.

  1. Patience – most people attempt to force someone to be happy. Instead of trying to make them happy just support that person, be patient, be gentle, be loving. Most of all be there!
  2. Participate – Always ask them if they want to participate, they may or may not want to, be okay with EITHER answer.
  3. Holiday – Ask them if there is anything special that they want to do this holiday, any traditions, any special food, and ask them if there is any way to honor or create new traditions!
  4. Smart – Be smart, do not offer them an abundance of drinks or food. Both of these are not solutions, they are part time distractions that sometimes put a person back further in their recovery process.
  5. IQ – What does this mean? Grief is a matter of the heart, not the head. Intellectual statements such as, “Your ex was a jerk, you’re better off without him” may be true, but it doesn’t make the grief any less painful.
  6. Listen – Being a great listener is a huge part of helping someone that is grieving. Grievers do not need to be fixed, they need to be heard, respected, and loved. This is one of if not the hardest and maybe the most important tip / advice I could give. A lot of times grievers need to tell their story. Sometime this can be painful, take time, or have many pauses – just sit and listen.
  7. Connect – Continue to connect to the person. A text message, a phone call, an email, or video call are all great ways to connect. Many tend to think that a griever wants to be left alone. Any of these simple things can go a long way in them knowing they are not alone!
  8. Knowing – Knowing what to say is probably the hardest. Sometimes there is not a RIGHT thing to say. Always try to acknowledge the person and let them know you are here for them. Things like “I cannot even imagine, and I am here for you always.” or “I wish I had the right thing to say to you, but know that I will help in any way I can.” – statements like those make the griever know that they are being heard, and have someone safe.
  9. Comfort – Comforting someone is not always with a touch; you can comfort someone by simply your presence. But also know and understand when it is ok to hug or hold that person, give them the time then need to feel and cry. Then go back to numbers 6 & 8, listen and know what to say.
  10. Share – Share with them that you know someone that can help.  Pass along my website, my email, my phone number, or my Facebook page.

I hope these were useful for yourself and hopefully you were able to learn a few things to be able to help your friend, family member, or loved one and what they are going through.

Remember, being a Heart & 2 Ears is one of the most important of all. Please do not forget to pass this article along to others so they too may gain some insight and knowledge.

Wishing you a pleasant and safe holiday!

 

Holiday Grief Tips

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The holiday season is the biggest impetus to elicit memories and feelings about important people in our lives who have died or who are no longer present at our holiday celebrations and rituals because of divorce or other estrangements.

For most people, the first holiday season after a death or a divorce is the most painful. But that’s not true for everyone. For many, the second, third, and subsequent years are very painful. Since time doesn’t heal emotional wounds, people often report feeling worse as years go by. No matter when your loss occurred, it’s most important that you become aware that recovery is possible and to learn which actions will help you.

The principles and actions of The Grief Recovery Method are dedicated to helping people discover and complete what was left emotionally unfinished by a death, divorce, or other loss.

Holiday Grief Tips:

    · Don’t Isolate Yourself. It’s normal and natural to feel lost and alone but, Don’t Isolate, even if you have to force yourself to be with people and participate in normal activities.
    · Don’t misuse food or alcohol to cover up or push down your feelings. As children, when we were sad about something, we were often told, “Don’t feel bad. Here, have a cookie, you’ll feel better.” The cookie doesn’t make the child feel better, it makes the child feel different and the real cause of the sadness is not addressed. When we get older, alcohol and drugs are used for the same wrong reasons to mask feelings of sadness.
    · Talk about your feelings, but don’t expect a quick fix. It’s essential to have someone you trust to talk to about your memories and the feelings they evoke. Ask your friend to just listen to you and not try to fix you. You’re sad, not broken, you just need to be heard.
    · While it’s important to talk about your feelings, don’t dwell on them. Telling the same sad story over and over is not helpful―in fact, it can establish and cement a relationship to your pain. Better to just make a simple statement of how you feel in the moment. For example, say, “I just had a sad feeling of missing him.”
    · Time doesn’t heal—actions do. The myth that time heals a broken heart is just that, a myth. Time can’t heal a broken heart any more than air can jump into a flat tire. Time just goes by. It’s the actions you take within time that can help you feel better.
    · Don’t get too busy—avoid hyperactivity. Be careful not to get too busy. Being super active just distracts you, it doesn’t really help you deal with your broken heart.
    · Maintain your normal routines. Adapting to the changes in your life following a death or a divorce is an enormous adjustment. You are learning how to move from being with someone to being alone. It’s never a good idea to add a host of other changes while you’re trying to adapt to so much disruption in your life.
    · Go through the pain, not under, over, or around it. It’s very tempting to try to avoid the pain associated with a broken heart. But it’s also a very bad idea. Whenever you skirt the pain, all you’re doing is pushing it away temporarily. It will always come back to haunt you.
    · Find effective guidance or you will sabotage your future. While the grief of a broken heart is the normal reaction to the death of your mate or to the end of a romantic relationship, it’s very helpful to find effective tools to help you discover and complete everything that was left emotionally unfinished. Otherwise, you will drag your emotional baggage into the next relationship and ruin it before it really starts.

I am here and available and ready when you are, so please do not hesitate to reach out!

I do hope you found this article helpful. I ask if you can please share this article with anyone you feel may be grieving this holiday season.

Can their be Grief if there is no Death?

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Something that I have heard many times is something that sounds like: “But how can I be grieving when no one has died?”

Grief is not defined by death as there are many types of loss. Loss of a loved one, friend, or pet can certainly cause that heavy concrete death that so many associate with grief. Just as likely are many other types of losses that can be called what we name as “intangible losses.”

Some of these examples are: Loss of control, Loss of security, Loss of safety, Loss of trust, Loss of goals, Loss of expectations, and much more.

Just because someone may be suffering from one of these above, does not mean it isn’t painful or devastating. Our world that we live in today has a tough time connecting these painful losses with grief. For that reason, it leaves many wondering why they feel heartbroken.

There is good news though, The Grief Recovery Method is an evidence-based program that has proven to be effective against any type of Grief. In fact, The Grief Recovery Method earning the “Evidence Based Program” has made it the only Grief Support Program to have received this title. Find out how you can begin your healing process today by reaching out to me.

When Is A Good Time To Do Grief Work?

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There is a common question that I hear often asked. When is a good time for me to start The Grief Recovery Method? This answer is different for everyone, it really depends on the loss that you’ve experienced and when you have the willingness to begin this recovery method. There are many messages, books, and speakers that discuss the time it takes to heal from the pain of a significant loss. Have you ever heard that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them, or it takes X amount of time to grieve the death of a loved one? Sadly, these ideas give people a false sense of what it takes for your heart to heal. Certainly time itself does not hold the magic or powers to heal you. Time may lessen the intensity of the emotional pain, but surely time does not heal all things, as we have all heard too often.

The key to healing a broken heart is almost the exact opposite of this “advice” that we have always been told. We should not wait many years to say goodbye to pain and unfinished emotions. This doesn’t help you, or those around you. Waiting for years is too much time to sit in that crushing pain and feelings. Not to mention, over time, we all may experience even more losses and pain which means that if you don’t do the work you could end up with a whole backpack full of unresolved “issues”.

Working with me you will learn the tools to work on what is still painful and holding you back. Together we will work on the goal to softly guide you to say goodbye to that pain. All you have to do is show up and have a bit of willingness.

What is more painful than taking an honest look at your pain is allowing your emotional pain to become your new normal. Do not allow yourself to be trapped in this vicious cycle, it is time to free yourself from this pain.

Make now the time that you decide to begin your healing journey.

You can DM me right here, call, or send in a contact request at www.JenniferGriefRecovery.com – either way I hope to hear from you soon!

Grief is not only about Death

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It’s crucial to know that feelings of grief aren’t only the result of death, because if people don’t know they are experiencing grief, then they might not find the tools they need to recover.

Did you know there are over 40 other life events that you could experience that would cause feelings of grief?

Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end or, or change in, a familiar pattern of behavior. It’s the normal and natural reaction to any change in your life. That means that any event that causes change can result in grief.

Here is a list of some events that may cause grief:

  • Death of a close family member
  • Personal injury or illness
  • Marriage
  • Dismissal from work
  • Marital reconciliation
  • Retirement
  • Change in health of family member
  • Pregnancy
  • Sexual difficulties
  • Gain a new family member
  • Business readjustment
  • Change in financial state
  • Death of a close friend
  • Change to different line of work
  • Foreclosure of mortgage or loan
  • Change in responsibilities at work
  • Child leaving home
  • Trouble with in-laws
  • Outstanding personal achievement
  • Spouse starts or stops work
  • Begin or end school
  • Change in living conditions
  • Revision of personal habits
  • Trouble with boss
  • Change in working hours or conditions
  • Change in residence
  • Change in schools
  • Loss of trust
  • Loss of Approval
  • Loss of Safety
  • Loss of Faith
  • Loss of Control of your body
  • Sexual Assault
  • Domestic violence

If you have ever wondered why you haven’t felt yourself after an event took place in your life, it could be unresolved grief.

If you are experiencing grief in any way, allow me to help. The Grief Recovery Method is the ONLY proven evidence-based method in the world. I will provide an action-based, powerful approach to healing from deep heartbreaks. Reach out today for more. www.JenniferGriefRecovery.com

Holding onto pain?

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Have you become good at holding onto pain? Many of us have had adverse childhood experiences that may have resulted in unresolved loss-of-trust issues, neglect, emotional abandonment, divorce, abuse, and the list goes on.  Many of us continue to drag the unresolved pain from our past relationships (in our childhood), into all of our new relationships. We do this completely unaware that almost all of our past relationships are incomplete or unresolved.

Unresolved grief can cause us to define ourselves as unworthy of happiness. We must learn how to grieve and complete relationships that have ended or changed. Access to our own happiness is directly linked to our ability to grieve and complete our relationships with people and events, as well as our ability to grieve and complete our relationship to the pain we generate when we are reminded of the unhappiness we have experienced in our lives.

In truth, most of our behaviors are habits that we have practiced so well and so often that they seem second nature. Many of our survival habits were developed when we were quite young, which now have become routine. Often we are managing an adult life with the limited skills and perceptions of a small child.

As we grieve and complete the events and the behaviors of our past, we become open to our ability to be happy. Allow me to help free you from this pain that has held you down and back for so long. It is a new season and time for a change, a change in appearance, a change in weather, as well as a change in day and night. Why not take ahold of this moment and also make that change in yourself? Allow me to help guide you through this process.

 

Grief is not just about death!

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Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to any change in your familiar behavior patterns.

Think about all the different changes that may be affecting your life. A change in an ongoing relationship, a move, a change in employment, a change in health – these are just a very few of the many things that can trigger a grief response. While you may not recognize or think of these as grieving experiences, it doesn’t mean that they cannot cause you emotional pain.

Grief can be very overwhelming! We spend a lifetime learning how to acquire things, but no one ever really teaches us what to do when it comes to losing them. The vast majority of information we’ve learned on how to deal with loss is in fact “misinformation,” and offers very little help on an emotional level.

Grief is emotional, not intellectual. So often family and friends will give us logical reasons as to why we shouldn’t feel sad. The problem is that grievers have broken hearts, not broken heads. Those logical reasons rarely help you to feel any better. How often have you heard the statement “time heals all wounds” and “grief just takes time.” Time is not a factor in any way throughout your recovery from a loss. Time just goes by and allows you to become accustomed to feeling that emotional pain. It is what you do with that time that matters when it comes to moving forward with your life.

Don’t be surprised if you see something that reminds you of a fond memory of your loved one and then find yourself suddenly sad over any number of other things. Your ongoing grief will remind you of things you might have wished had been different, better, or more in your relationship. Those tears may be a sign that you have “unfinished business” in your relationship that you need to address. That is where you might find working with me and using the action plan in The Grief Recovery Method helpful. While you may continue to miss the physical presence of that relationship, you can greatly reduce the level of emotional pain that prevents you from enjoying your fond memories.

I look forward to the possibility of working with you soon!

Pet Loss and how it affects you

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Sunday, September 12th, is National Pet Memorial Day. This is a day in which we look back and reflect on one, or many pets, that we may have had throughout our lifetime that are no longer with us. A pet is an extension of our family, a companion, and a great friend. The bond you have with a pet is different than those shared with a human. Many may find that our family or friends cannot understand the level of grief that we are going through, and please know, this is normal.

When a pet passes many people try to move on quickly which dismisses the real impact. Sometimes people may even attempt to replace the pet almost immediately. These are just 2 out of 6 myths that are discussed and can be found in the book Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss.

I hope first you are able to reach out to me so I can help you through this process. Although I also want to recommend this book as it has been able to help many address the pain that comes with the loss of a pet as well as ultimately, how to move on with life.

https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/books/grief-recovery-handbook-pet-loss

What is stopping you from climbing Mount Grief?

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Is there a huge, tall mountain in front of you?

Looking up may give you doubts and fears of how you will ever conquer what’s ahead. Leaving you retreating and entrenched in the current path you’re on.

Luckily, you have an expert in your corner and an experienced mountain climber that not only has answers to your many questions but that has also faced many mountains.

The first step is always the hardest and the climb ahead will be no easy task. It will be challenging, gut checking, physically and emotionally exhausting.

Although words cannot explain not only the crisp and fresh air but also the amazing views from the top!

Are you ready to begin your climb? I am ready to go on this journey with you and guide you every step of the way.

Have you ever attempted to pour from an empty cup?

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Well, if you ever have attempted to pour from an empty cup, the result comes real quick. As we all know you simply cannot pour from an empty cup. Yet why do we continue to forget this simple and easy analogy when it comes to our life or our feelings? We give that all too well known answer of “Everything is fine, I’m ok.” Or we stuff our feelings deep inside. Or maybe we have something that is trying to escape but for whatever reason the fear of the unknown holds us back from being able to “refill our cup” or allowing us to live, breath, and feel again.

If we remain empty, we cannot expect to be happy. Sadly, an empty cup has nothing to give. But that is not you, that is not who or what you are! We need to find a way to grieve, and to properly grieve. I can provide you with a known method that can provide solutions and answers through a program on how you can grieve in a healthy way. I will walk this road with you helping and guiding you.

You still have far too much to give, so let’s begin the process of refilling your cup!

Contact me today by calling (484) 764-7094, by submitting a form https://jennifergriefrecovery.com/contact/ or by direct messaging me right here on Facebook. I will get back to you as soon as I am able!