Broken Hopes and Dreams

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Broken hopes and dreams about a future that will never happen causes grief and can have an effect on your ability for happiness.

Have you ever had big dreams about your future?  All the hopes and dreams of what it would be like when you obtain or get those things! We all create hopes, dreams, and expectations for our futures. Some of our well-intentioned plans may involve the dreams of a big career, wealth, marriage & family, an education, a healthy body and the list continues.   For many of us, those dreams may never come true, leaving a ton of grief that affects our ability to be happy in life.

Some losses are indisputable like death, divorce and pet loss and yet there are other losses that cause emotional pain but aren’t usually recognized as losses. They’re called “intangible losses.”

Intangible losses are things like loss of trust, loss of safety, loss of security, loss of control, loss of fertility.  Loss of hopes, dreams and expectations about the things that may never come to fruition.  If you’ve experienced any of these then you know that just because it’s an intangible loss, doesn’t mean it isn’t painful, real or devastating.

An example of an intangible loss is:  What if you spent your whole life dreaming about having children. Then find out that you can’t. Your hopes, dreams and expectations of being a parent are crushed, even though you never lost a physical child. Your heart is broken and you’re in emotional pain

Or what if you’re a person who suffered from mental, physical, or sexual abuse or assault. You might not feel safe or secure in this world.

Or what if you never knew your birth parents? You may spend your whole life wondering what your parents were like, what it would have been like to have a relationship with them.  No matter what the details of that situation, you too are left with unresolved emotional pain.

Other intangible losses can be the result of your own decisions. What if building your career has been your primary focus and you put marriage and family aside then one day you wake up to realize that although you had an amazing career and a whole lot of fun and freedom in your younger years, you made the conscious decision to put marriage and family on the back burner. That’s an intangible loss.

One thing all of these intangible losses have in common is that they limit the quality of your life and capacity for happiness.  Although most of these things are not discussed much, they need to be addressed rather than be stuffed away in silence. Keeping the pain inside limits your life.

Even if you can’t identify exactly what is causing discontent. Most people come to me thinking they will work on one thing then end up working on something totally different. I will help you decide what is limiting your life the most!

Honoring Memorial Day

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Honoring Memorial Day

This post is in honor of all the brave men and women who died while serving in the United States military.

For many people it’s a long weekend and picnics, but today we honor the true meaning of Memorial Day, it is a day of reflection, remembrance and grief for many veterans and families of service men and women that died.

Many people mistake honoring a memory to mean they have to stay in emotional pain. We at The Grief Recovery Method think it honors their memory to live life without emotional pain.

It’s my wish on this Memorial Day that anyone who is grieving loss find their way to The Grief Recovery Method and begin their own journey of recovery.

Overcoming Grief

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Loss is all around us and is a part of life that none of us are immune to. So often it’s misunderstood what grief and grieving is, and sometimes it’s the belief that grief will somehow go away with time. For all of you who have the experience of major significant losses, you know that’s not true. You are forever changed from loss.

 

Maybe you have just lost a loved one to death. Maybe you just got divorced. Maybe a long-term romantic relationship just ended. Maybe you lost your job.  Maybe you were delivered an unfavorable health diagnosis. These are all experiences of loss and the reality of living life. We will all be confronted by loss and the darkness of the unknown.

 

You can’t go over, under, or around grief, you must go through it! Unfortunately our earliest teaching tells us: DON’T FEEL BAD, DON’T BURDEN OTHERS with your feelings. Trying to use these few incorrect ideas, we develop a belief that suggests we shouldn’t feel bad in the first place.

If we’re taught not to feel bad when feeling bad is the normal and natural reaction to a grief-producing event, that idea makes it almost impossible for us to access healthy guidance to go through grief, rather than trying to bypass it by going over, under, or around it.

The first thing we must do if we want to deal with our grief effectively, is to allow our grief to exist by acknowledging it, and by communicating openly about it to people with whom we feel safe.

Please know that grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind. The range of reactions and emotions in response to grief-producing events is as wide as there are people on the planet. You may often hear that “Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace.” and I agree.

But experiencing grief, even in our own way and at our own pace, is not the only issue. For example, when someone important to us dies, or when we get divorced, we are always left with some things we wish had been DIFFERENT, BETTER, OR MORE; and with some UNREALIZED HOPES, DREAMS, AND EXPECTATIONS about the future.

These six words are the keywords that can help you discover what was left emotionally incomplete for you as the result of a death, a divorce, or any other loss. These unfinished or incomplete things is what is referred to as Unresolved Grief.

The hardest part about overcoming grief is that we are taught that it is too difficult. The actions of the Grief Recovery Method that help grieving people deal with their unresolved grief is available to anyone who is willing to take those actions. They are relatively easy to do, even though we might think that they are hard because we were never taught they exist, or how to do them, and because we may have believed the myth that grief is permanent and recovery is impossible.

Take the step to action in your recovery & you’ll discover for yourself that overcoming grief is possible.

 

Mother’s Day Mixed Emotions

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Mother’s Day is a reason to celebrate for many people, but it can bring up sad or painful feelings for others.

Death isn’t the only reason that people grieve.

Death isn’t the only reason you might be grieving around Mother’s Day.  Maybe your mom was abusive or less than loving.  Maybe she didn’t mother in the way you needed, or she did something that hurt you later in life.  Maybe you simply wish things in your relationship were different, better, or more in some way.  Have you ever thought “What would life be like if I wasn’t carrying these feelings around with me?”

Unresolved grief can have a long term negative impact on your life. Grief is cumulative and cumulatively negative. The more you try to ignore your grief, or push it under the rug, the more it will affect your life. Grief not only affects current and future personal relationships, but it can also impact your work, health, and even things you used to enjoy doing. The intensity of your feelings may lessen over time, but grief doesn’t heal on its own.

The good news is that there’s a solution!

If you’re like most people, you simply never learned how to get complete and recover from a broken heart. There are a lot of things we’ve been taught to change our feelings in the short term, and plenty of articles telling you how to do that, but you must be willing to do the work if you truly want to recover from a loss.

That starts with being honest that you want something more for yourself; that you want freedom from pain, sadness, resentment, or whatever you are feeling. Try talking to someone you trust. Tell the truth about yourself. Ask them not to judge, criticize, or analyze (then don’t judge, criticize, or analyze yourself either).

Imagine what it would feel like not feeling pain, anger, or sadness every single time you think about your mom. Wouldn’t that be freeing? You don’t have to live that way.

Get started with The Grief Recovery Method.

Could you be grieving and not know it?

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How could someone be grieving and not even know it?  It’s easy because our society uses a lot of different words to describe what could simply be grief. We hear words, or terms such as:

  • Stress
  • PTSD
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Feeling “Off”

Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss of any kind.

  • If you’re sad about a break up then your feelings surrounding it are grief.
  • If you’ve lost a job then your feelings surrounding it are grief.
  • If you’ve experienced a loss of health then your feelings surrounding it are grief.

Another definition of grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.

Have you ever moved or changed jobs? Although you might have been thrilled about the new environment, you might also have felt sad about leaving your friends, co-workers, routines and everything else you were used to. Those conflicting emotions are grief.

Think about your last break up or when someone you know died. Do you remember wishing you could have them back just one more time? When we grieve, we grieve the loss of unmet hopes, dreams and expectations we had about the relationship.

My message to you is please know that grief might be the reason you don’t feel fully present in your relationships, it might be why you have felt “off” since you experienced a change in your life, and it might be why you think there’s something “wrong” with you.

The Grief Recovery Method is a series of actions that lead to recovery from, or completion of loss. I am an Advanced Certified Grief Recovery Specialist I encourage you to reach out to me so we can begin this recovery process.

Time and Grief

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Grief is the normal and natural reaction to any change from what is familiar in life. It is the emotional response to change. It can be defined as a feeling associated with the things we wish might have been different or better in any relationship, whether it is with a person, a pet, a job, an educational experience, or even a place of residence, just to name a few. Grief can be a result of wishing we had spent more time together, or it can be related to unmet hopes and dreams that were never realized due to an unexpected and early end.

Simply stated, grief can be overwhelming! Grief can show up in a variety of ways. Some people find that the confusing feelings that grief generates interfere with sleep, while others find it difficult to get up and function after waking up. Some people find that they feel sad or cry over things that never seemed to bother them before. Many find themselves longing for that lost relationship. Some find themselves easily irritated, while others do not have the energy to feel much of anything. For some, the memories leading up to and including the moment of loss overshadow all their fond memories of that relationship.

The grief each person experiences is influenced by a variety of factors. The intensity of that emotional relationship, the amount of unfinished business in that relationship, and how we try to deal with the pain of the loss are among the primary components.

The reality is that time, in and of itself, is not really a factor in true emotional recovery from loss. With the passage of time, we may become used to living with the pain of loss. As time goes by, most people simply learn to bury their feelings, rather than to take effective action to deal with that pain. If, after an arbitrary amount of time, you have persistent feelings of emotional pain and try to utilize medication to treat the “problem,” you are often just treating the symptoms of grief without actually doing anything to deal with the underlying problem.

Since grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss, doesn’t it make better sense to try to take personal responsibility to take effective recovery action, rather than to allow it to control your happiness? Most grievers really just want to feel better.

The reason that people have a difficult time in recovering from the pain of emotional loss is because they do not have the tools to take action. “The Grief Recovery Handbook” is a step-by-step action plan for recovery. It starts at the beginning with what you learned in your childhood about dealing with loss and why many of these “tools” were ineffective. It then gives you “new” tools to deal with the unfinished business in that lost relationship. It offers you the opportunity to safely deal with those things that make remembering painful. It will allow you to be able to enjoy your memories and share them with others, rather than finding them overwhelming.

Spring Cleaning for Your Heart & Soul

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Take charge of your happiness & gift yourself a Spring Cleaning for your heart, soul, and mind.

Do you find yourself struggling to find happiness or joy in your life? Have you ever thought that if someone would just behave how you wanted them to be that you would be happy? Or if that situation or outside event could have happened differently, then you would be happy? The problem with thinking this way is that it makes you a victim of other people’s behavior and events that you have no control over.

Wouldn’t it be more empowering and freeing to know that you are responsible for your own feelings?

When you focus on other people and events the problem is you miss the point. You can’t change other people or the events that may have happened. No matter how badly you want to. Truth is, the more you work on improving yourself the happier you will be in your life, in your friendships, in your marriage, and your work relationships. Emotional pain and trauma is at the root of all the heartache and negative beliefs in your life. We all start off in this world with a blank slate then accumulate misinformation and losses which hold us back as adults.

I can help you identify what beliefs and relationships hurt you most. There is a solution to bring you emotional freedom. Although this solution does require action. Take action and you will raise up everyone around you!

I am eager and excited to begin to collaborate with you and navigate you through this journey.

Are you experiencing unresolved grief?

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Is your life forever changed after loss? Yes! You don’t need anyone to tell you your heart is broken. You know it!

After significant loss your eating patterns may change drastically, whether that is eating too much, or you completely lose your appetite. You may find it hard to concentrate or focus on simple tasks. You may find it hard to sleep or sleep more than usual. Your chest may feel tight or like your heart sunk into your stomach.

As time goes by, these experiences may lessen and over time you may return to your normal routines, but that doesn’t mean that you have recovered from the loss.

Unresolved grief is cumulative and cumulatively negative. It affects current and future relationships.

Here are some indicators that you are experiencing unresolved grief.

Do you refuse to talk about the loss?
Do you avoid thinking about your loved one who died because the memories are painful?
Do you avoid places or events that remind you of someone who died?
Do you only talk about their positives, refusing to admit they might have had some negative qualities too?
Do you keep the same exact routines you did when they were still alive because you’re afraid you’ll forget them?
Do you avoid getting close to people? Unresolved grief is usually at the root of fear about any new relationships.

There’s nothing wrong with grieving, but you don’t have to live the rest of your life in pain.

Imagine thinking of someone who died or an ex, without feeling brokenhearted. Imagine living and loving to the fullest. What would that be like for you?

What is The Grief Recovery Method?

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What exactly is The Grief Recovery Method and how is it any different from other Grief Support programs?

With so many programs and self-help books out there, it is so difficult to find which program is the right one. While I cannot say what is right or wrong for you, I can share my experience with the Grief Recovery Method.

I tried so many different avenues and modalities of self-help programs to help me. I was consumed by my grief, paralyzed by it, and unable to move forward in my life.  I read countless self-help books about grief; what it is, and how to heal my heart. I attended countless self-help seminars and met numerous therapists about my grief. While talking about it with others I did find short term relief but the results were not lasting.  It was as if I was only hitting pause on the inevitable feelings that would just circle right back in due time and keep me trapped.

It was not until I found The Grief Recovery Method, myself, that I was able to find meaningful and lasting healing of that grief and re-engage with life.  It is why I have become an Advanced Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. I am very hopeful that you too can have similar results that I have had through my personal experiences.

If you have the time and are the slightest bit intrigued on what this program can do for you, please take a moment and read this article – https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/blog/2021/06/5-ways-grief-recovery-method-different-traditional-grief-support

It is a great way to learn 5 ways that differentiate this program from traditional grief support.

I also hope that you feel intrigued enough to pick up the phone and call, or send me a message so that we can discuss further how to begin your recovery journey!

Broken Hearted on Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day often triggers sadness and pain about a loved one that died, a relationship that changed or ended, or a love they wish they had. That’s NORMAL. Feelings of grief are just as valid as emotions of love.

Sadly most of us weren’t taught how to recover from heartbreak, or how to walk through a difficult day or situation.  Below are some helpful things to help you through a tough day;

  • Don’t be strong. Be honest. Being strong for others really means avoiding your feelings and demonstrating to others by example that it’s not okay to be sad. If you need to talk about your feelings, cry, or to take a moment to hug a loved one extra hard, then do so.
  • Don’t try to replace your loss. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “There are other fish in the sea.” Well guess what? People are individual and unique. Since no two people are alike there is no way you could possibly replace another person. What you can do is get complete with the relationship that ended or changed, so that you will be fully available to the next person.
  • Don’t stay busy.  Busyness and distractions push back the inevitable feelings you have to feel. Many people try to avoid their feelings with alcohol or food. Pay attention to what activities you might be using to distract yourself near Valentine’s Day. I get it, it’s easy to try to avoid feelings with a box of chocolate or candy hearts, but remember, you can’t go around a broken heart.
  • Don’t try to fix yourself. You are not broken. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad and heartbroken. It’s as normal as the sun rising in the morning.
  • Don’t isolate. Can you ask for help by making a plan to see, or talk to someone on Valentine’s Day? Find someone that won’t try to fix you.
  • Don’t avoid Valentine’s Day rituals if you don’t want to. If there are Valentine’s Day memories that you love, go ahead and do them. Call someone and share your day together. Get creative or plan something for a later date.

I hope that you were able to find some of these tips useful.

If you’re ready to take the steps to meaningful and lasting healing of that grief and heartbreak, the grief Recovery Method can restore hope and change your life. I look forward to hearing from you.