Lay Down Burden

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This post is in loving memory of my late husband Dr. Jeffrey J. Kasander.

One of Jeffrey’s favorite musical artists was the famous Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys.  This song inspired me to write this post. Listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EEqOlv0Jpc

So many years were spent running away from painful emotions, they were just too much to bear.  A deep hole was left in my heart & I have felt alone since you left me and if I had the chance, I’d never let you go.  (this is my take on Brian Wilson’s 1st verse)

I am sure so many of you can relate to the longing and loneliness caused by the effects of loss, not to mention the regrets of things we wish could have been different, better or more and of all the future dreams that will never become. This is how I felt for so long until I found The Grief Recovery Method.

People often ask when they should start using The Grief Recovery Method. The answer is different for everybody depending on the loss you’ve experienced and when you have the willingness to do it.

The key, however, is to not wait many years to say goodbye to pain and unfinished emotions. That doesn’t help you, It doesn’t help the people around you and it doesn’t honor the memory of who died.

Waiting for years is too much time to sit in devastating pain and feelings. Plus, over time, we all experience more losses and pain which means, if you don’t do the work you could end up with a whole backpack full of unresolved “issues”.

Make today the day you decide to heal.

Make today the day that you get started with The Grief Recovery Method.

We will give you the tools to work on what is still painful and holding you back and gently guide you to say goodbye to that pain. All you have to do is show up and have a little bit of willingness.

You know what’s more painful than taking an honest look at your pain? Allowing your emotional pain to become your new normal.

Taking Action in Moving from Victim to Survivor

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There are two major ways to become a victim. One is to be the victim of outside factors, such as another’s actions (whether intended or unintended) or events that are beyond our control. The other is to become a victim of our own choices.

When you feel the emotional pain and grief associated with being a victim, it can be very isolating. It can be hard to imagine that anyone else has any sense of what it’s like to be emotionally suffering in this way.

There are many actions that happen that leave victims behind in their wake:

  • Natural disasters are a huge creator of victims. Hurricanes, earthquakes, forest fires and flooding left behind grieving victims of these events number in the millions.
  • Terrorism and deranged individuals have also impacted tens of thousands of people around the world in terms of both the loss of life and the loss of feelings of safety and security.
  • Often forgotten are those whose stories of loss at the hand of another do not make headlines, such as the victims of muggings, robberies and physical assault.
  • Sexual victimization of women (and sometimes men as well). Many of the stories focus on people in power who make unwanted advances on others in the workplace. Those involved in sexual trafficking around the world victimize a far larger, but often forgotten, number of people. While the bulk of the stories speak to legal actions to deal with this problem, little attention is devoted to the emotional loss and grief suffered by the victims.
  • Ponzi schemes, such as those of Bernie Madoff and others like him, have left people financially destitute. Many of his victims lost all of their savings and monetary security. This resulted in an enormous sense of grief in that their lifetime savings were now gone.

These are only the “tip of the iceberg” when it comes to stories of how events and the actions of others can create both victims and grievers.

Some sources of the victimization at the hands of others can be just as emotionally painful, but never make headlines.

  • There are some victims who suffer verbal, physical, and/or sexual abuse in their home environment at the hands of members of their friends and family. These victims often suffer their grief silently and never share it with others. That certainly does not mean that their suffering is any less painful. Since they are silent and do not seek outside assistance, their hidden feelings of pain can be overwhelming.
  • There are those who become the victims of another, simply by not receiving emotional support from someone who is normally expected to provide it. They continually find themselves seeking validation from someone who cannot, or will not, provide it for any number of possible reasons. These victims often grieve in silence as well, until the level of pain they are holding inside becomes too great to bear alone.
  • And certainly, there are those who are the victims of the losses of everyday life. It might be due to a death, divorce, estrangement, or any one of the more than 40 different grief issues of living. The emotional pain that these people feel, that is often ignored or discounted by others, can leave them feeling like a victim.

Obviously, based on just this very limited number of sources that have been covered, it’s easy to understand that there are many outside influences that leave people feeling that they are victims.

Sometimes we can become a victim at our own hands. As human beings, we all have the “power” of making our own choices. Occasionally, we make poor choices that we later regret and see ourselves as victims of those choices. These may be choices as to the path we followed that led to a bad relationship or marriage. It may be related to addictive behavior or issues with the law. The list of possible choices that might end in regrets or the sense of victimization is endless.

As was stated previously, the concept of whether outside sources or personal choices caused feelings of victimization, people often blame others for their victim status. It’s very easy (and often right) to cast the blame for our circumstances on outside events and the actions of others. When bad things happen to us, it’s sometimes because of things that were beyond our control. The problem is that if we make these things totally responsible for our victimization, we can end up being a victim forever, with no relief in sight.

Taking the needed action to move beyond the self-defeating label of being a victim is a personal choice. The Grief Recovery Method can help you through this process. It’s what it was designed to accomplish.