Masked Grief

/in /by

Masked Grief relates to those situations where the person has become so adept at suppressing their feelings of emotional pain that they take on other symptomatology.

There are many ways in which people attempt to work through the grieving process. Those who recognize that grief, by definition, is an emotion, and make a concerted effort to deal with what is emotionally incomplete in the relationship that has caused their grief, can be very successful in moving forward. Those who try to deal with it strictly from an intellectual standpoint, often find little relief and that they face additional issues as well.

Our bodies are designed to process rather than strictly store things.

The human body is designed to be a processing center. We consume and process food to create energy and to fuel our various organs. If we consume more food than necessary, our body stores it as fat. Too much of this fat storage can have negative consequences for our overall health. Likewise, the body is designed to process our emotional experiences. If we suppress, store and mask those emotions deep inside, this can result in negative consequences for our general health as well.

The consequences of stuffing sad emotions.

When we continually stuff these feelings of emotional pain, rather than putting voice to them, our bodies tend to send us signals that they are not happy. Some people get headaches, while others respond with intestinal issues and ulcers. For some, when emotionally stressed, they develop rashes or hives. Other normal responses to emotional stress can include an increased heart rate, rapid breathing and high blood pressure.

As a trained grief professional, I can often recognize that such issues are a common sign of suppressed emotions related to an unaddressed grieving experience. Unfortunately, these same symptoms can also be the result of medical issues as well, which means that when we consult a physician, they may very well attempt to approach it as a physical problem, rather than as a sign of masked grief.

That is why masked grief is such a problem. Failure to identify this common response to loss means that many people are treated strictly for the symptoms, rather than the underlying problem. When we treat the symptoms, rather than the real problem, nothing is done to deal with the underlying emotional pain.

The Grief Recovery Method is an effective action plan for dealing with the emotional pain of loss.

I speak from personal experience in the value of using The Grief Recovery Method and what it has to offer. At one time I used to suffer from many of these issues, especially with stomach issues. I never associated this physical problem as being related to stuffing and masking my feelings of sadness.  It was not until I went for Certification Training with the Grief Recovery Institute that I was able to see that the times when I was suffering most with these problems also happened to be times that I was also dealing with a grieving experience in my life. As I learned to better deal with my own grief, I found that my related stomach issues cleared up!

Please do not let the pain of emotional losses that you have experienced and suppressed take a toll on your body. Taking effective Grief Recovery Action can not only help you feel better emotionally, but physically as well.

Do you ever stop grieving?

/in /by

Have you heard the saying that you never stop grieving?

People say that grief never ends, but this well-intentioned statement keeps people trapped in their pain. We know there is a better way.  Take the courageous actions of The Grief Recovery Method and live your life to the fullest again.

I see Facebook posts, and hear from hurting people, all the time that say “you never stop grieving”.

Have you heard that statement too?

What about that “you can never get over a particular kind of loss”?

The problem with these phrases and beliefs is that they trap you. I am not saying that your life won’t be changed by a tragic, brutal, heartbreaking event, but telling people or yourself who are looking for a way out that their grief will never end keeps them and yourself a victim to pain and suffering.

Wouldn’t it be nice if grievers were given hope instead?

Here is something you don’t hear often, “if you stay a victim of your pain you’re doing a disservice to yourself, everyone around you and the person you lost”.

Here’s another thing you won’t hear often… “you can recover from heartache IF you’re willing to take courageous action!”

So, what can you do?

The Grief Recovery Method is a step-by-step process for recovering from loss. The process is accessible, and I will show you what to do each step of the way and so that you will never be left on your own.

It’s not easy to try something new, but you can do it anyway.

That’s where courage comes in. It has worked for hundreds of thousands of people, so there’s no reason that it won’t work for you too!  Plus, it’s empowering to take responsibility for how you’ll move forward in life despite the brutal things that have caused you emotional pain.

Walking through fear is a small price to pay for recovery.  Recovery means getting your quality of life back. (It does not mean that you will forget the relationship that changed or ended – that’s not possible.) Recovery means that fond memories don’t turn painful. You will trust again. You will smile again. And you will find freedom from pain.

Loneliness, Isolation and Grief

/in /by

One of the most painful parts of the grief process is the experience of grief isolation. It is bad enough that your loss already left you feeling alone and singled out from the rest of the world, but now, with no way of knowing how to respond to such tragedy, most grievers tend to go further into the isolation of pain and profound loneliness. Each of us experiences our grief differently.

Loneliness, Isolation and Grief are not just related to a death! 
Since every major change in life can bring with it elements of grief, you may find yourself feeling lonely and isolated with other losses as well. A simple example of this can be found with moving. Whether you relocate across town, or to an entirely new city, you may find yourself feeling lonely and isolated because your surroundings are unfamiliar. You are not only dealing with a new living environment, but also that sense of loss that comes from leaving old relationships behind. While you may be excited about this change, you may also be experiencing elements of grief. This is an example of what is sometimes called “disenfranchised grief” in that others don’t see it as a grieving experience, and therefore discount its emotional impact.

The fact that others cannot understand the emotional impact of your feelings of loss, can naturally leave you feeling isolated. When they address your pain by giving you logical reasons why you should be happy, rather than sad, it tends to increase those feelings of loneliness and isolation. Grief is emotional, not logical or intellectual. No matter how sound their logic, it still does not alleviate the pain in your heart.

Some of the options for support may leave you with yet another sense of loss.
Just because these feelings are normal and natural doesn’t mean that you have to suffer through them alone. Many people will turn to a “loss specific” support group to help them deal with these feelings. Such grief support groups can offer a sense of “community,” assuming the facilitator doesn’t let them deteriorate into discussions of who is hurting the most, which can leave the others feeling even more lonely and isolated.

The other problem with such groups is that while you may share similar losses, at least by type, it’s often the only thing you have in common. Since each relationship is unique to each individual, your feelings associated with that loss are also unique.

Still more frustrating and isolating are those situations when there is no group available for your particular loss category. There may be groups for people who have lost children or a spouse, but what if you lost a friend? There are rarely groups focused on this heading. That is also the case for those dealing with any type of disenfranchised grief.

Help really is available for everyone!
The grieving community is enormous! Chances are that whenever you are in a public place, you are surrounded by other “silent grievers,” like yourself, who feel lonely and isolated because they have no one to listen to the pain in their heart and offer direction. Their loss may not be remotely similar to yours, but that doesn’t mean that their emotional pain is just as intense.

The beauty of the Grief Recovery Method is that it was built on the concept that each person’s loss is uniquely their own. It’s not about comparing losses, but rather about taking action to move through and beyond the power of that emotional pain. While the tools that are used to take this action are universal to every loss, their application is individual to each and every situation.

How you put these tools to use for yourself depends on your personal needs and situation.

If you wish to move faster through this process, you can meet with me, a Grief Recovery Specialist, on a one-to-one basis.  Another option is to purchase a copy of “The Grief Recovery Handbook,” and partner with a friend who is also grieving. Each of these different options will offer you the tools you need to take positive recovery action.