Archive for category: Grieving

Why you can’t seem to find any joy in life.

Maybe you’ve experienced a ton of heartache in your life, maybe you feel hopeless about the future, or maybe you wonder why you can’t seem to find any joy in life.

If you’re reading this, you have probably had a realization about yourself or your life that have   elements of disappointments, sadness or longing that you are not where you once thought you’d be at this time in your life.  Maybe your dreams didn’t turn out as you had planned, or maybe you woke up one day & realized that you’ve put all your efforts into something that now doesn’t hold the same meaning for you. Maybe you’re mad or angry about things that you wish could have been different, better or more.  Maybe you experienced deaths, breakups, sexual abuse, or the feelings of crushing loneliness. Maybe these feelings were spurred by a devastating loss recently or maybe a long time ago. Maybe you’re not even sure what might be the cause of your feelings. Let the Grief Recovery Method help you discover what’s causing your source of discontentment and show you how to complete the emotional pain related to them.

Living with the pain of regrets and disappointments can leave you feeling like a victim to the outside circumstances that happened. Some people live with that pain forever. They spend their entire lives at the mercy of what happened. It’s easy to see why. When something tragic occurs, like the death of a loved one, divorce, romantic breakups, or sexual abuse they are a victim, but you don’t not have to remain a victim.  Imagine, what would it be like to get complete with those relationships, regrets and disappointments? Can you imagine living a life with that freedom?

Hopefully at some point you decide to search for help to heal your heart. Maybe that’s why you’re reading this now.

That willingness to move forward requires one small thing…accepting at least 1% responsibility for how you are going to move forward.

That doesn’t mean accepting responsibility for the actual loss. In most cases you were powerless over what happened. But at some point, after the event, whether it’s 6 months or two years, you might decide that it’s time to look into how you can empower yourself to walk through your emotional pain.

Just 1% responsibility to move forward is the key to opening a door and changing your life. All that means is you:

• Acknowledge that a problem exists
• Acknowledge that it’s associated with a loss or series of losses
• Acknowledge that you need help

Willingness is the key to moving forward. Are you ready?

There are two major ways to become a victim. One is to be the victim of outside factors, such as another’s actions (whether intended or unintended) or events that are beyond our control. The other is to become a victim of our own choices.

When you feel the emotional pain and grief associated with being a victim, it can be very isolating. It can be hard to imagine that anyone else has any sense of what it’s like to be emotionally suffering in this way.

There are many actions that happen that leave victims behind in their wake:

• Natural disasters are a huge creator of victims. Hurricanes, earthquakes, forest fires and flooding left behind grieving victims of these events number in the millions.
• Terrorism and deranged individuals have also impacted tens of thousands of people around the world in terms of both the loss of life and the loss of feelings of safety and security.
• Often forgotten are those whose stories of loss at the hand of another do not make headlines, such as the victims of muggings, robberies and physical assault.
• Sexual victimization of women (and sometimes men as well). Many of the stories focus on people in power who make unwanted advances on others in the workplace. Those involved in sexual trafficking around the world victimize a far larger, but often forgotten, number of people. While the bulk of the stories speak to legal actions to deal with this problem, little attention is devoted to the emotional loss and grief suffered by the victims.
• Ponzi schemes, such as those of Bernie Madoff and others like him, have left people financially destitute. Many of his victims lost all of their savings and monetary security. This resulted in an enormous sense of grief in that their lifetime savings were now gone.

These are only the “tip of the iceberg” when it comes to stories of how events and the actions of others can create both victims and grievers.

Some sources of the victimization at the hands of others can be just as emotionally painful, but never make headlines.

• There are some victims who suffer verbal, physical, and/or sexual abuse in their home environment at the hands of members of their friends and family. These victims often suffer their grief silently and never share it with others. That certainly does not mean that their suffering is any less painful. Since they are silent and do not seek outside assistance, their hidden feelings of pain can be overwhelming.
• There are those who become the victims of another, simply by not receiving emotional support from someone who is normally expected to provide it. They continually find themselves seeking validation from someone who cannot, or will not, provide it for any number of possible reasons. These victims often grieve in silence as well, until the level of pain they are holding inside becomes too great to bear alone.
• And certainly, there are those who are the victims of the losses of everyday life. It might be due to a death, divorce, estrangement, or any one of the more than 40 different grief issues of living. The emotional pain that these people feel, that is often ignored or discounted by others, can leave them feeling like a victim.

Obviously, based on just this very limited number of sources that have been covered, it’s easy to understand that there are many outside influences that leave people feeling that they are victims.

Sometimes we can become a victim at our own hands. As human beings, we all have the “power” of making our own choices. Occasionally, we make poor choices that we later regret and see ourselves as victims of those choices. These may be choices as to the path we followed that led to a bad relationship or marriage. It may be related to addictive behavior or issues with the law. The list of possible choices that might end in regrets or the sense of victimization is endless.

As was stated previously, the concept of whether outside sources or personal choices caused feelings of victimization, people often blame others for their victim status. It’s very easy (and often right) to cast the blame for our circumstances on outside events and the actions of others. When bad things happen to us, it’s sometimes because of things that were beyond our control. The problem is that if we make these things totally responsible for our victimization, we can end up being a victim forever, with no relief in sight.

Taking the needed action to move beyond the self-defeating label of being a victim is a personal choice. The Grief Recovery Method can help you through this process. It’s what it was designed to accomplish.

Grief is a necessary process to come to terms with loss. Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss, yet almost everything we learned about grief is not normal, not natural and not healthy.

We all experience losses and we all grieve. Yet, grief is one of the most taboo topics for discussion. It’s odd that one of the experiences we are all going to have, is the one experience that we are ill-prepared for, and ill-equipped to talk about. What is even more troubling is all the misinformation that is passed on about grief. We have been taught to believe that time heals all wounds, and you hear people say, “It just takes time.” Therefore, the griever assumes the advice to be correct, and waits while time goes by. Time is neutral and does nothing but pass. People also say, “You have to be strong for the children” or other family members. Many people will pass this on to grievers, who respectfully then act strong for the kids, all while burying their own feelings deeper and deeper. Even worse, while acting strong for the children, they demonstrate “not feeling,” which teaches the child to hide his or her feelings. Much like how a parent knows something is “off” when their child may be sick or down. Our children also know when we as parents are “off” or down. We have been taught to believe that intellectual remarks will help with emotional conflict. So grievers are told, “Don’t feel bad, he / she led such a full life.” Maybe he / she did, although the griever is in emotional turmoil. A comment such as this, which may be intellectually accurate, is not at all emotionally helpful. None of the remarks identified above help the griever take those correct and necessary steps. Rather, the griever is led down a path that leads to more isolation and loneliness.

Okay, so then what do grievers want or need most?

A griever wants to talk about what happened and their relationship with the person who died. This holiday season, there will be plenty of hurting people who, given the opportunity, will want to talk about someone they miss. You will be a most cherished friend or family member if the grieving person feels safe enough to talk to you about what is so foremost on their mind and in their heart. Sometimes, the person doesn’t want to talk about it, and if that is the case, do not be offended by that either. At the very least, I suggest that you bring up the topic, and allow them to decide if they want to talk about it. If you are feeling awkward about what to ask someone here is a simple phrase which allows the griever to respond or not as they see fit, and it is not an interrogation or a command that they must talk about the loss: “I heard about the death in your family…I can’t imagine what this has been like for you.”

The ability to communicate our emotions openly and clearly, whether they are happy or sad, is one of the distinguishing characteristics of being human. Being afraid of sad feelings can deprive us of the treasure trove of memories attached to relationships with people who have died. Overcoming this fear, especially at holiday time, allows us to claim the full memory of the person we are missing. People are surprised to discover that even though there may be some sadness, there is also plenty of joy as well.

Recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small and correct choices made by the griever, and the most effective and accurate source of those correct choices is The Grief Recovery Handbook. You can purchase this yourself right from GriefRecoveryMethod.com or you can also find it at other retailers and book stores. Take a look at what people say and the reviews, it truly does work. For more information or to work with me 1 on 1, I would be happy to hear from you. You can DM me directly, call me at (484) 764-7094, or visit my contact page at https://jennifergriefrecovery.com/contact

Life Is Too Precious & Short

As I turn 60, I know how precious Life is and that it’s getting shorter. So, I am passionate about being in the moment and enjoying life to the very last moment. I am no longer drowning in the regrets of the past, nor am I obsessing about the future. I am grateful for each day and look forward to enjoying it. The Grief Recovery Method taught me how to take action to deal with unfinished business in my relationships so that emotional painful feelings that were stuffed down and avoided can no longer impact my capacity for Happiness!

It is sad that so many people, no matter how much they have, as far as material possessions, they still are not happy! This is mainly because they are still emotionally unfulfilled! So many of us carry around a great deal of “unfinished business” in our relationships. We do this, mostly, because no one ever taught us how to deal with the emotional matters that we face on a daily basis. This unfinished business is not just about those relationships that have ended because of death, although those feelings of loss can be overwhelming. It can also be related to ongoing relationships with those we like or love, and even those we deal with through our jobs.

“Unfinished business,” from an emotional perspective, involves those things that we wish might be, or have been, different, better, or more in any relationship.  It might also be about unmet hopes and dreams that never came to be. Sometimes, it is about not getting something, on an emotional level, from someone because they simply could not, or would not, provide it.

Whatever the reasons, that sense of being emotionally incomplete can leave us wanting and longing for things we wished could have been different, better, or more. In a very real sense, it leaves you feeling a sense of grief. Grief is something that we feel whenever we are forced to deal with any unexpected or unwanted change in our daily living. Unfortunately, most of us have been taught to cover up our feelings of sadness and suppress them, but this does not make them go away. Instead, we hold them deep inside, never realizing how they impact our sense of well-being. Instead of processing those feelings, we continue to hold them inside and they accumulate over our lifetime. The more we accumulate these painful feelings in our hearts, the less room we have for true happiness!

The Grief Recovery Method is all about taking action to deal with the unfinished business in emotional relationships. This is certainly a method of action to follow when you lose someone to death, but it is also extremely effective in improving ongoing relationships as well. This approach will help you to discover exactly what it is that is unfinished for you so that you can take the necessary steps to become “emotionally complete.” It is designed to help you safely sort through all of those feelings of emotional pain that you have stuffed inside and deal with them in a positive way, so that they no longer negatively impact your life.

Grief is NOT pathological, nor is it a disorder of any kind but it can feel that way!

When you’re going through grief, your mind might tell you something is wrong with you, but there isn’t. The real problem is that no one has taught you how to go through grief healthily.

Loss is inevitable, it’s the most basic human experience, but suffering is a choice. When we grievers don’t know what choices we can make, that’s when we stay stuck with the pain. And That’s what happened to me.

When I experienced 2 significant losses in my life, I felt an intense yearning, longing, and preoccupation with my pain.  Additionally, grieving the loss of all the broken hopes and dreams about my future left me feeling completely hopeless. The deaths caused me extreme distress and difficulty functioning. I am willing to bet that every one of you reading this have had similar feelings as me when faced with a significant loss in your life. That’s because intense yearning, preoccupation, distress, and difficulty functioning are natural responses to a significant emotional loss like death.

Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss of any kind. We are wired to feel our full range of emotions, good or bad. We all experience loss and the grief that follows. To say that feeling painful or negative emotions is somehow wrong, harmful, or that a disorder is mislabeling a normal process in life, that’s simply Not True.  It’s often deemed by many that grief that lasts longer than 12 months for adults, or six months for children, is an illness and is often treated with medications. I am going to tell you my grief lasted well over 12 months, and I too thought something was wrong with me.

Most of us have heard the intellectual misinformation from well-intentioned people, like “keep busy” or “time heals all wounds.” But when I tried to use these as tools to heal from my emotional pain, I realized they simply didn’t work, leaving me feeling hopeless that I could ever feel anything but a broken heart for the rest of my life.  And what’s sad is that many people do live the rest of their lives with a broken heart.  What’s incorrect here is that we as grievers are given incorrect tools to heal.

The Grief Recovery Method has helped me, and countless people, recover from the most devastating losses imaginable and have proven that any loss is NOT a life sentence of pain.

If you truly want to heal your heart after significant emotional loss, a first step is to grab your copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith. Please reach out to me for your copy.