Loneliness, Isolation and Grief
One of the most painful parts of the grief process is the experience of grief isolation. It is bad enough that your loss already left you feeling alone and singled out from the rest of the world, but now, with no way of knowing how to respond to such tragedy, most grievers tend to go further into the isolation of pain and profound loneliness. Each of us experiences our grief differently.
Loneliness, Isolation and Grief are not just related to a death!
Since every major change in life can bring with it elements of grief, you may find yourself feeling lonely and isolated with other losses as well. A simple example of this can be found with moving. Whether you relocate across town, or to an entirely new city, you may find yourself feeling lonely and isolated because your surroundings are unfamiliar. You are not only dealing with a new living environment, but also that sense of loss that comes from leaving old relationships behind. While you may be excited about this change, you may also be experiencing elements of grief. This is an example of what is sometimes called “disenfranchised grief” in that others don’t see it as a grieving experience, and therefore discount its emotional impact.
The fact that others cannot understand the emotional impact of your feelings of loss, can naturally leave you feeling isolated. When they address your pain by giving you logical reasons why you should be happy, rather than sad, it tends to increase those feelings of loneliness and isolation. Grief is emotional, not logical or intellectual. No matter how sound their logic, it still does not alleviate the pain in your heart.
Some of the options for support may leave you with yet another sense of loss.
Just because these feelings are normal and natural doesn’t mean that you have to suffer through them alone. Many people will turn to a “loss specific” support group to help them deal with these feelings. Such grief support groups can offer a sense of “community,” assuming the facilitator doesn’t let them deteriorate into discussions of who is hurting the most, which can leave the others feeling even more lonely and isolated.
The other problem with such groups is that while you may share similar losses, at least by type, it’s often the only thing you have in common. Since each relationship is unique to each individual, your feelings associated with that loss are also unique.
Still more frustrating and isolating are those situations when there is no group available for your particular loss category. There may be groups for people who have lost children or a spouse, but what if you lost a friend? There are rarely groups focused on this heading. That is also the case for those dealing with any type of disenfranchised grief.
Help really is available for everyone!
The grieving community is enormous! Chances are that whenever you are in a public place, you are surrounded by other “silent grievers,” like yourself, who feel lonely and isolated because they have no one to listen to the pain in their heart and offer direction. Their loss may not be remotely similar to yours, but that doesn’t mean that their emotional pain is just as intense.
The beauty of the Grief Recovery Method is that it was built on the concept that each person’s loss is uniquely their own. It’s not about comparing losses, but rather about taking action to move through and beyond the power of that emotional pain. While the tools that are used to take this action are universal to every loss, their application is individual to each and every situation.
How you put these tools to use for yourself depends on your personal needs and situation.
If you wish to move faster through this process, you can meet with me, a Grief Recovery Specialist, on a one-to-one basis. Another option is to purchase a copy of “The Grief Recovery Handbook,” and partner with a friend who is also grieving. Each of these different options will offer you the tools you need to take positive recovery action.
