reflection 3 grief recovery jennifer kasander with logo

When We Stop Asking “How Do I Fix This?”

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💛 Reflection #3
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One of the biggest shifts in my own healing came when I stopped asking:

How do I fix this?

And started asking:

What might be underneath this?

For years, I approached emotional pain like a problem to solve.

If I could figure out what went wrong, understand why it happened, or find the right answer, then I would finally feel better.

But many of the things that caused me the most suffering were never really the problem.

They were pointing to something deeper.

The relationship wasn’t always the problem.

The worry wasn’t always the problem.

The resentment wasn’t always the problem.

The grief wasn’t always the problem.

Often, they were messengers.

They were drawing my attention toward something my nervous system had been carrying for a very long time.

I’ve learned that healing doesn’t always begin by solving what is happening on the surface.

Sometimes it begins by becoming curious about what is living underneath it.

And that curiosity can be far more powerful than another attempt to fix ourselves.

💛

reflection 3 grief recovery jennifer kasander with logo

Some Grief Does Not Need Fixing

Some Grief Does Not Need Fixing

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💛 Reflection #2
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For many years, I believed healing meant finding a way to fix what hurt.
If I could understand it enough, solve it enough, work on it enough, perhaps the pain would finally disappear.
But lately, I’ve been discovering something different.
Some grief does not need fixing.
Some grief simply needs understanding.
There are experiences in life that leave a lasting imprint on us:
– the loss of a loved one,
– a difficult childhood,
– a relationship that changed us,
– a dream that never came to be.
Often, our first instinct is to ask:
How do I get over this?
But sometimes a more helpful question is:
What is this grief trying to show me?
I’ve learned that understanding and fixing are not the same thing.
When we stop fighting our grief and begin listening to it, we often discover that underneath the sadness is something that simply wants to be acknowledged.
Not erased.
Not rushed.
Not solved.
Just understood.
And sometimes that understanding creates more healing than all the fixing we ever tried to do.
💛
Some Grief Does Not Need Fixing
grief recovery reflection 1

Reflection 1

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💛 Reflection #1
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Over the coming weeks and months, I’d like to begin sharing some reflections from my own life and the insights that have emerged from my recent exploration.
Lately, I’ve been spending time exploring something that has deeply changed the way I understand grief, healing, and even myself.
For many years, I looked at emotional pain through the lens of fixing, solving, understanding, and moving forward. There is certainly value in all of those things.
But what I’ve been discovering is something different.
I’ve been asking questions like:
– What is my nervous system carrying underneath this experience?
– What is beneath the worry, the resentment, the overthinking, the guilt, or the grief?
– What adapted inside me in order to survive?
And what I’ve found is that many of the things I once judged about myself make much more sense when viewed through the lens of understanding rather than self-criticism.
I’ve come to believe that healing is not always about fixing ourselves.
Sometimes it’s about finally understanding ourselves.
Not that I have all the answers.
But I’ve discovered that when we can gently recognize what we’ve been carrying, something inside us often begins to soften.
And sometimes that softening is where healing begins. 💛

If you are interested in learning more, follow me on Facebook and visit my Blog here often!