reflection 3 grief recovery jennifer kasander with logo

When We Stop Asking “How Do I Fix This?”

/in /by

💛 Reflection #3
pastedGraphic.png

One of the biggest shifts in my own healing came when I stopped asking:

How do I fix this?

And started asking:

What might be underneath this?

For years, I approached emotional pain like a problem to solve.

If I could figure out what went wrong, understand why it happened, or find the right answer, then I would finally feel better.

But many of the things that caused me the most suffering were never really the problem.

They were pointing to something deeper.

The relationship wasn’t always the problem.

The worry wasn’t always the problem.

The resentment wasn’t always the problem.

The grief wasn’t always the problem.

Often, they were messengers.

They were drawing my attention toward something my nervous system had been carrying for a very long time.

I’ve learned that healing doesn’t always begin by solving what is happening on the surface.

Sometimes it begins by becoming curious about what is living underneath it.

And that curiosity can be far more powerful than another attempt to fix ourselves.

💛

reflection 3 grief recovery jennifer kasander with logo

Some Grief Does Not Need Fixing

Some Grief Does Not Need Fixing

/in /by

💛 Reflection #2
pastedGraphic.png

For many years, I believed healing meant finding a way to fix what hurt.
If I could understand it enough, solve it enough, work on it enough, perhaps the pain would finally disappear.
But lately, I’ve been discovering something different.
Some grief does not need fixing.
Some grief simply needs understanding.
There are experiences in life that leave a lasting imprint on us:
– the loss of a loved one,
– a difficult childhood,
– a relationship that changed us,
– a dream that never came to be.
Often, our first instinct is to ask:
How do I get over this?
But sometimes a more helpful question is:
What is this grief trying to show me?
I’ve learned that understanding and fixing are not the same thing.
When we stop fighting our grief and begin listening to it, we often discover that underneath the sadness is something that simply wants to be acknowledged.
Not erased.
Not rushed.
Not solved.
Just understood.
And sometimes that understanding creates more healing than all the fixing we ever tried to do.
💛
Some Grief Does Not Need Fixing